Thank You, Instagram!

Pets

Crackhead Logic

From Grammarly: "HOW CAN A SLIM CHANCE AND A FAT CHANCE BE THE SAME, WHILE A WISE MAN AND A WISE GUY ARE OPPOSITES?"

 McDonald's Valentine's Day Ad: "Join us on Valentine's Day for our 3rd Annual Candlelight Dinner At McDonald's of ___ ...Our crew will greet you at the door, seat you, take your order and deliver it to you. All you have to do is just sit back, relax and enjoy your romantic evening with your date. Featuring musical selections by Ron." [A good idea for junior high dates].

Junior's Valentine's Day Card for his parents: "Mom and dad you are lucky you are alive."

 Sav-Mor Liquors sign: "VALENTINES DAY BLAH BLAH BLAH DRINK."

Newspaper ad: "If You Had No Idea What To Get Her For Valentine's Day... Imagine How Overwhelming Arranging Her Funeral Would Be. Give her the perfect gift, make pre-arrangements as a couple with the affordable funeral home. Choose from affordable funeral services or affordable cremations. Compassion is our passion. By the way, did we tell you we were affordable?"

"Siri for today can you call me Valentine"

Siri: "From now on, I'll call you 'Valentine'. OK?"

"NO SOLICITING

WE ARE TOO BROKE TO BUY ANYTHING

we know who we are voting for

WE HAVE FOUND JESUS

SERIOUSLY, unless you are selling THIN MINTS

PLEASE GO AWAY!!"

Most Interesting Cat in the World leans on the table and says: "I NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT WHY THE HELL THERE'S A DOG IN THE HOUSE NOW."

Futurama Fry Meme: "NOT SURE IF WHITE GIRL TWERKING OR HAVING A SEIZURE."

Old Guy From Family Guy's Pepperidge Farm gag says: REMEMBER WHEN SCHOOL STARTED AFTER LABOR DAY

PEPPERIDGE FARM REMEMBERS."

South Park character raise his fist and says: "IF YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE THIS MEME CORRECTLY THE FIRST PART SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN THE PRESENT TENSE."

Spooky Flannel shirt guys says: "I'M GOING TO CHOP YOU UP
A PIECE OF THIS LOG FRO YOUR FIRE."

A Stair Master exercise machine is on the front lawn tagged with this sign: "I'M FAT & LAZY. YOU STILL HAVE A CHANCE. FREE!"

Posted to a utility pole is a photo of a cat. "REWARD - 'Eddie'. Black manx white markings on body, no tail. Six years old. Red collar w/tags. Overweight. Meows all day & night demanding attention. Won't stay off countertops. ..Doesn't do tricks of anything..Will give this cat to whoever returns my car keys lost here last Thursday..."

"GARAGE SALE OF A LIFETIME! BEER! CHICKEN! SEX SWING!..."

"YARD SALE! Our Crap Could be YOUR crap!!"

Green: "Dad do you have any idea where my diploma is?"
Gray: "it's in you mother's anus." [tries again] anus [tries again] ANUS"
Green: "Uh.."
Gray: "in her anus...jesus mary and joseph upstairs in her house in storage."
Green: "Wow. Ok I will search moms anus. Thanks dad."

Dad's text: "Now that the boys r asleep come on in the bedroom. Your love machine is waiting for u in the new man-thong I bought...."

Green: "Oh my god dad!!!!!!!!"

Dad: "Oh sorry. Thought I was texting your mother."

Green: "I'm never coming home."

Dad: "If u want I can send a pic."

Green: "Dear led no thanks."

Dad: "Lol"

Dad: "Be quiet when you come in. I am about to **** your sister in bed."

Green: "You're about to what!?!"

Dad: "OH I MEANT TUCK. TUCK YOUR SISTER IN BED!"

GREEN: "Okay..."

Dad's texts: "I slept with your mom!"

"I slept with your mom!!"

"I slept with your mom!"

FYI: May 24 is Yabba Yabba Day